It is very hard to describe the feeling of losing a parent to someone who has not lost one. People expect you to grieve heavily for a short period of time and then move on with your life. People don't understand the whirlwind of confusion that occurs when a parent dies, especially if you are a young child when it occurs. I was 16 when my father died and I remember feeling very emotionless, I wasn't sad as much as I was just dumbfounded and confused.
The sorrow is a different story. It took months before I began to be truly saddened by my fathers passing. I would see a boy and his dad at a baseball game, or maybe be confused about some aspect of life, or even just want to talk about something you can't talk to a mom about. That is when you really began to miss someone. There are still days where I wake up and I lie in bed and look at the ceiling and try to peace together what the hell happened. What happened to the wonderful family? What happened to a man who was about to enjoy the best years of his life when he died. What happened to that little boy who loved sprinkled donuts.
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